When the Music Died
by Alba Aulbath
Summary: After yet another loss in the Organzation, Xigbar reflects.


**Disclaimers and Useless/Useful Stuff to Know:**  
I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Never will! Likely spoilers about, but you knew that, didn't you?

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**When the Music Died**

by Alba Aulbath

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He spent time lately, weaving back and forth between the two areas. A reaching, screaming desperate move to provide proof to their non-existence, and the hall in which no more melodies were played; he had little desire to go much where else.

It was ridiculous. All he had to do was distract the Keyblade Master. Why didn't he run away again? What the hell was he trying to prove?

_"I believe there is something you should see, Xigbar."_

_The Superior had been the first notice upon his return from Hollow Bastion, leading way to the room of doors and symbols and their given titles. Number nine, no longer blue._

_The Freeshooter said nothing._

_"It's unfortunate," Xemnas continued, more to himself, as if he'd forgotten he had even taken II aside. "I had a particularly important mission for him later. He would have been perfect for it."_

_When the silence continued, Xemnas looked to him, almost bewildered. "Don't tell me that you mourn for him?"_

_"Ya know I can't," Xigbar snorted, trying to take his eye away from the glowing red on the floor, settled right between the blue of VIII and X._

_"I'm sure that if you were whole, you would be. Perhaps that is what you should do, when you have your heart back." It sounded more experimental, more curious than a suggestion; it was always about finding answers and pressing the lines for achievements. It wasn't entirely about regeneration of what they'd lost._

_"Would you like this?" The Superior held out the dogtag. "It's really unfortunate. Ever since he returned from Olympus, I'd been able to make better conclusions."_

_Spilled milk, was all that it was._

_The Freeshooter grabbed the dogtag, finally tearing his gaze from the floor. "What'd you find out?"_

_"You didn't think about it? Xigbar, it's as if you distance yourself completely from who you were once."_

_That didn't make a lick of sense. "What'd you find out?"_

_The smile the Superior wore was as empty as ever. "Here there be dragons."_

Demyx had always been kind of a numbskull. The kid was determined to prove the existence of a heart he didn't have, was so damned naive, a friggin' pacifist in an Order set to cause chaos for their own good, and stuck out like a sore thumb.

But there was a reason why they kept him around, and let the Underworld freeze over if Xemnas ever said why. Xigbar had his reasons; what did the Superior have in mind?

What mission?

What about Olympus?

_"What do you dream about?"_

_Similar questions, just another evening in the bleak existence of their bleak castle in a bleak world. II stared up at the heart-shaped moon as he laid on his back, positioned on one of the outside platforms high above the dark and empty city below them. On the steps with his sitar in his hands, Demyx played slowly, unsure, thinking._

_"I dunno, I don't really remember," Xigbar muttered, turning over on his side, back to the moon._

_"Oh." Demyx grinned helplessly. "'Cuz... I don't know. But--"_

_"Look, if this is another session of 'philosophy with Demyx'--"_

_"No no!" IX held up his hands. "C'mon, just listen. I know I dream. When I got here, I had nightmares all the time. If we don't have hearts, then..."_

_Sitting up, Xigbar looked at him; he couldn't entirely blame the kid for his denial. He knew he tried it for awhile, but much like everything about them, the outlook became sour. "It's like an echo of who we were, left behind in our minds. We can think, so we can dream. S'all it is, Squirt."_

_Demyx frowned. "What do you dream about?"_

_"Light." One would think that, since hearts were born from darkness, the mind would dream much of the same. But he knew he dreamed about light._

_And he knew why._

_"How 'bout you, kid?"_

_Turning his head to look at the moon, Demyx's answer was quiet. "Darkness. And crashing waves."_

Brooding wasn't really especially a skill Xigbar had developed. It was more of the Saix thing to do, and he didn't really like doing it -- and considering he was a not quite man of the moment, he survived on his impulses.

His current impulse was indeed to brood.

The dogtag was flipped over and looked at, again and again, with nothing explained more than a name, numbers, and words that made no sense to him.

The Hall of Empty Melodies was abandoned, save for the Freeshooter. Many members of the Order were dead, one gone rogue, another melded with his Other; it was a giant mess, and the only moment that seemed to pester him most was the fact that Demyx had gotten himself killed. For all Xigbar knew, the kid was trying to prove that he wasn't such a weakling after all. Damn it, I already knew that, you dumb little...

"Here there be dragons," he muttered, raising a brow.

Hell if that meant anything, anyway.

_"I know what he is."_

_Saix's voice was snarling, his eyes staring intently at the moon. It wasn't a brilliant idea to be in the same room as him, but the words did catch him off guard._

_Xigbar scowled. "Who what? Which?"_

_The beserker turned around, fist clenching. "The little snake -- do you know, their meat is actually quite good for you? I wonder, does he bite?"_

_"What the fuck are you--"_

_"So you don't know." Saix sneered. "A pity. And yet, you are inclined to his people."_

_Pointing to the moon, VII spoke again, "I know what he is. He should be killed, quickly."_

_Instinct was screaming. Maybe to threaten, or to actually shoot Saix -- Xigbar was debating. "Listen up; I know Kingdom Hearts makes you flip out, but you knock this shit off."_

_Abruptly, Saix laughed at him. "I must have forgotten. He's your pet, isn't he?"_

The next cue card had been prepared in Demyx's room, as if he was supposed to come back. Xigbar had taken it, and with that, taken the boy's next mission. He didn't understand; why did Xemnas expect him to do well on this mission?

What did Saix and Xemnas know he didn't, even though Xigbar had spent five years watching that kid's back? And how did they know?

He didn't read much on the cue card. He didn't need to, but he kept it and he wasn't even really sure why.

He hadn't been functioning right, since the sigil became the ominous red; other members had died before. He actually know the other members far better than--

That wasn't entirely true. Xigbar knew their backgrounds, but he knew a lot about Demyx even without knowing his Other.

_"You can't put chicken in that," Xigbar said suddenly._

_Snapping his head around to peer at the gunman, Axel scowled. "What the hell does it even matter? It's salad."_

_"Aaaand? Everyone is eating it, man. You can't put chicken in it."_

_"Fuckin'-- EVERYONE eats chicken," Axel snapped, rolling his eyes. "Damn it, why isn't Xaldin doing this...?"_

_"Demyx is a vegetarian; you can't put chicken in th' damned salad, okay?"_

_Throwing his hands up into the air, VIII left the kitchen. "YOU make it, since you got it memorized!"_

_Demyx, who'd only walked in for a glass water, beamed brightly. "Thanks for remembering!"_

He liked hot chocolate when it was cold outside -- marshmallows and no whipped cream. He liked the smell of flowers by the beach, which ticked Marluxia off whenever he picked at the garden before he left for the crashing waves. He didn't eat meat, but he didn't mind making hot dogs for somebody else whenever the mood would strike him, and said eating fish was murder without knowing why.

Xigbar knew things. He didn't always know why and neither did Demyx, but he knew things, and he knew he'd never forget them now, much as he'd try to.

It was unfair, obviously, as the universe would have it; the kid wasn't bad and was actually quite pleasant, if ridiculous, sometimes clumsy, and easily offended. A goof, but always trying to be chipper and sunny and never break that kind of mask.

And yet something dark would always lurk behind the sun.

_"You remember El Nido, kid?"_

_Though Demyx's eyes didn't move from watching the crashing waves, he did not. It was a hard place for him to forget._

_Xigbar scratched the back of his neck. "The mainland above it is called Zenan, an'--"_

_"Porre and Guardia. They're going to war. I know."_

_There was a pause between the two; hesitantly, Xigbar sat down beside the musician. "You went there?"_

_"No." Demyx frowned, then lowered his head. "...People always do stupid things like this. War. Hating each other. ... And we're taught that we... the Nobodies. That we're the ones without hearts."_

_Really, Xigbar doubted the Demyx would have taken the news well, considering the kid hated fighting, but still; it seemed like an unusually serious side of the boy._

_"That's the only good thing humans can do," Demyx muttered bitterly, eyes hard as he watched the waves. "They can kill each other, and they can take everything with them. If that's what it means to have a heart, maybe we shouldn't be trying so hard."_

_"Demyx?"_

_Another moment of silence, then Demyx lowered his head. "...Sorry. I don't know... I just know things are happening over there. It bothers me, and I can't stop thinking about it... I can't even play."_

_Lightly, the Freeshooter put his hand to the musician's shoulder. "Let's go get you distracted then; this isn't like ya, Squirt."_

Truthfully, maybe it frightened Xigbar a little. Demyx always had the most likeness of having a heart -- and being so cold suddenly made it feel like Xigbar had lost that feeling of being near a heart.

Maybe that was what it was. The closest thing in ten years Xigbar had to a heart was instinct and a kid who denied 'til he died, and since one out of two was gone, he was obsessing.

And obsession got at least six of them consumed by Darkness and becoming Nobodies.

Xigbar tried to figure it out, but he couldn't analyze; he could only take action, and take temptation. Hopefully, when they were through with Sora, he'd be able to get a bit of payback. It was Roxas's own fault for not listening to them, anyway.

Right. Roxas had betrayed them, and in spite of Demyx's faith and Axel's determination, Roxas inevitably got the former killed.

He, like the rest of the Organization, gave Roxas enough chances.

Xigbar reread the cue card as he took it out, knowing he'd take over where Xemnas had wanted for Demyx -- whatever the reasons were -- then shook his head, repeating words under his breath,

"Here there be dragons."

And away, to the Land of Dragons he went, still not making sense of it.


End file.
